7 Ways to Navigate the Insomnia Rollercoaster
Insomnia recovery is not linear. Wouldn’t it be so convenient if it were, though? If you could predict that in x amount of time with y amount of effort, you would be at z, fully recovered, wouldn’t that be a relief?
It would mean not having to deal with unpredictable lows or rough patches. It would be a steady, even climb to the top. I wish I could guarantee that certainty and rate of healing to all of my clients, but since that is not the case, here is a little guide on how to deal with the sometimes unpredictable ebbs and flows of insomnia recovery.
Put self-kindness first
It’s very common to feel like you’re fighting yourself when going through insomnia. You might feel frustrated with yourself, you might be beating yourself up for not being over it yet, or you might be wondering what is wrong with you.
These can all be seen as hostile energies directed towards the self, and they tend to add another layer of suffering to an already difficult time. Instead, granting yourself grace won't eliminate the pain, but it can make it more bearable. You can learn to have compassion for yourself, rather than reacting with inner hostility.
How might adopting an attitude of self-kindness change the way you treat yourself during rough patches of insomnia?
It might be very practical, like rescheduling anything at work that is not mandatory, ordering food when you don’t have energy to cook, or allowing a little more time laying on the couch than usual. On the other hand, sometimes kindness can look like a gentle nudge instead - maybe motivating yourself to go on that walk, keep plans with a friend, or not call in sick to work is what you need that day. Whatever you decide in the moment, what's important to remember is that you want the energy or intention behind how you treat yourself to be kind.
2. Reframe sleepless nights as new opportunities to face your fears
This might not sound like an ‘opportunity,’ but one of the main ways of healing insomnia, since it is rooted in the fear of not sleeping, is by exposing yourself to times when you are awake at night. Through these experiences, you can learn to feel safe and okay, whether you sleep or not. Exposing yourself to awake periods at night gives your brain new experiences of nighttime safety, which is crucial for healing insomnia.
Fears don’t tend to fade until we confront them. Paradoxically, once your brain and body feel safe enough during wakeful periods at night, sleep often follows naturally.
3. Look for signs of progress beyond sleeping better
It is so understandable that the one thing every insomniac wants is a guarantee of blissful, uninterrupted sleep. While this is a worthy goal, it’s important to be more nuanced about what progress actually looks like beyond better sleep. Sleep is often the last thing you get back but there are big signs of progress along the way that are important to acknowledge. Some of the key signs I look for are:
You feel less fear around sleep (this is actually more important than better sleep because it means that you have worked on the root of insomnia)
You are doing more things you enjoy (sign that insomnia is controlling less of your life)
You are experiencing less preoccupied thoughts about sleep (this could mean less rumination during the day or at night)
You have toned down on ‘sleep efforts’, that is, all the things you might be doing to help you sleep better (medication, supplements, routines, etc.) - this is also a sign that you are letting go of your fears since usually these behaviours are attempts to control or make sleep happen.
By reframing signs of progress as more than just better sleep, even when your sleep is up and down, you can notice all the inner work you have been doing. Doing the deeper work is what will manifest as stabilized sleep and long-term recovery down the road.
4. Keep in mind the difference between sleep disruption and insomnia
Do you remember before you had insomnia? I wouldn’t be surprised if you still had rough or sleepless nights now and then. The difference is you probably didn’t think twice about them. You may have even gone through periods of disrupted sleep during a stressful life event like a move, breakup, loss or new job.
This is normal - sleep disruption is a period of time in which you are not sleeping as well as you typically do. The difference between sleep disruption and insomnia is that there is no fear attached to sleep disruption. That is why it tends to be temporary - it comes in and passes like a wave. It’s a reminder that even for people who do not have insomnia, there will be some ups and downs with their sleep.
With insomnia, it is not uncommon for it to start with a trigger that would normally lead to disrupted sleep, like a stressful event. A big event or a life stressor could trigger sleep disruption, but it will only lead to insomnia in so far as the fear of not sleeping lingers.
When I finally received the help I needed for insomnia recovery, I experienced 3 major life stressors at once. Initially I worried these stressors would just keep triggering the insomnia to start up again. Luckily, by that point, I had finally found help that addressed the root fears of insomnia, so I knew these life events couldn’t ‘cause’ insomnia again - they might just lead to disrupted sleep for a shorter period of time, which is exactly what happened.
5. Try not to get caught up in your mind’s stories
This is a tough one. It’s so normal for the brain to go berserk when you can’t sleep. It is, after all, a survival machine, and it likes to send out alerts that insomnia is a threat. This often shows up in all kinds of stories the mind creates about the experience of insomnia. Some common ones I experienced include: ‘This is never going to end’, ‘Am I going crazy’, ‘Am I going to die’ ,’Will I be stuck in this misery forever’, etc. You get the idea. While these stories may seem dramatic when written down, they feel very real in the moment.
When you're struggling with insomnia, your nervous system is often in a state of hyperarousal, affecting the functioning of your prefrontal cortex. We need the prefrontal cortex to think more clearly, exercise good judgment and learn from experience. This is why it is so much easier for the mind to spiral - your nervous system’s survival mechanism has been activated, so you go into fight or flight mode.
When your mind creates catastrophic scenarios, try observing these thoughts without immediately accepting them as reality. If you already have a mindful practice, like meditation, this is similar to noticing your thoughts float by without getting too attached to them. It is one of the harder skills to learn, and it takes time, but it’s important.
6. Try not to chase a perfect night’s sleep
It can be such a relief to experience a sound sleep when suffering from insomnia. There is a difference between appreciating a blissful sleep and chasing it though. The issue with chasing a perfect sleep is it becomes more about the outcome, and less about your sense of okayness or acceptance whether you sleep or not.
When the focus is on the sleep outcome, especially if it needs to be perfect, it can very easily add to the pressure to sleep. This is what we want to move away from with insomnia recovery. So, absolutely enjoy a good night’s sleep. Just notice if your mind is obsessing about continuing to have to have a good night’s sleep or fixating on how to make it happen again. Remember, sleep is passive - we cannot control or will it to happen. This is why letting go is key.
7. Mindfulness is key - practice noticing impermanence
Whether you take up meditation, practice yoga, or another form of mindfulness, it’s helpful to train your brain to orient to the present moment. When you do this, you will notice that there is a lot more nuance and change in one single day than you may have realized. The exhaustion you feel after a rough night may ebb and flow throughout the day. You will likely have moments or hours when you feel very tired, but there may also be periods of increased energy, even if it is subtle.
When you learn to pay attention to what is happening right here, right now instead of lament about the past or fear the future (both of which are very easy to do when you have insomnia), it becomes easier to watch your experience change. Then, the saying ‘this too shall pass’ takes on a deeper meaning, transcending cliché. I am not pretending that this is easy work when suffering, but you can think of it like exercising a muscle.
Mindfulness becomes more habitual the more you practice it. If meditation feels out of reach (it can be a trickier when in a state of hyperarousal), you can introduce moments of mindfulness throughout your day. This could be as simple as a pause of a couple breaths when you notice you are caught in your thoughts. It can also be something you incorporate into your everyday life, such as taking a pause any time you switch tasks or activities throughout the day.
While insomnia is objectively a difficult, often painful experience, the above suggestions can help you maintain a broader perspective while riding the rollercoaster. You probably will not feel calm or emotionally stable every day, and there will likely be times when you get caught up in those stories of ‘Will this ever end’ or ‘Am I losing it?’ but it’s about coming back from that when it does happen. You can celebrate yourself for noticing the moments you catch yourself being harsh or unkind, getting caught up in stories, chasing a perfect night of sleep, feeling like you’re back at square one, or fearing an insomnia ‘relapse.’ It’s so common to experience those moments of fear, hopelessness, frustration, self-blame or even despair. When you don’t have perspective, those emotions can lead to spiraling. When you are able to see the bigger picture though, the pain or discomfort is still there, but it does not fully take over.
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